The Truth Is... - Month 4
3 full days after training camp, I'm still processing all that happened. With discussion of culture shock and the things we'd be experiencing over the next year, I didn't stop to think I'd encounter a shock coming back into this city I've lived in for the past 12 years from only 11 days away.
Coming home was surreal. To see the city lights, the crowded streets, and self focus was troublesome. Even as I got off the plane in Los Angeles a woman started yelling obscenities and insults at another passenger, saying she would pepper spray him if he came any closer. With several other people joining in on the commotion all I could think to do was pray. In lifting up the situation to Jesus, that woman immediately stopped speaking. She didn't say another word after I asked the King to intervene and I even got to share His glory with the passenger sitting next to me. Praise God! Moments like these (the reality of His kingdom) and even greater ones are part of what my experience at training camp was like but I have to fully disclose it was no picnic.
Training camp was difficult. If I'm honest, the first thing I uttered to God after 12 hours of being there was "this is hard." I wasn't ready for the trial. I wasn't ready for the challenge of living with 150 strangers, tenting in the woods with constant rain, using porta potties, taking bucket showers, and living without caffeine (you read that right... no caffeine). Going into training, I had no reservations and I didn't adequately understand the trials I was about to face. I'm not sure what I thought actually, but I know a part of me felt as if it was going to be comforting. Part of me felt like this was just going to be something I did before heading out on route. Boy was I wrong.
Training camp wrecked me but it wrecked me in the most beautiful way. I spent the first 5 days in constant tears, questioning if I made the right decision or if I could handle 11 months of this on end. I was counting the days until I got to return to my comforts and I desperately wanted to hear from God. Now there's no doubt that Christ was definitely responsive and communicative in the first 5 days, as He respond to prayers of desired conversation, leading me and others right into engagement but I wanted new. I wanted revelation and I wanted that deep intimacy that only Holy Spirit provides. Let me tell you, I got all that and more. The Lord purged my soul at training camp and it was worth every tear.
On day 6 I stopped counting my remaining days there and I also began a legitimate fast from my habitual lifestyle that I wasn't too keen on doing days before. In this willing shift my perspective changed as well. I began walking with dependence on God and got to enjoy the trial in perseverance that equipped me for the good works that are about to come, that are indeed happening now. Wouldn't you know it... 3 days after this change God woke me up at 6AM with the words, "get up I have something to say."
Excitement and wonder came over me that morning as I've only heard Him like this once before on the day of my salvation. In anticipation I asked the Lord what He had for me and I let Him guide me to His word that read, "The days are at hand, and the fulfillment of every vision... For I am the Lord. I speak and the words which I speak will come to pass; it will no more be postponed: for in your days, o rebellious house, I will say the word and perform it... none of my words will be postponed anymore, but the word which I speak will be done." (Ezekiel 12:23,25,28) Later that day in worship, I clearly and audibly heard our Father tell me for the first time, "I love you." It was... all of it was... comforting. It was more challenging yet more fruitful than I could have imagined and that's what I know this year is going to be. More challenging and more fruitful than I can ever imagine.
Truth is, I may still not be ready. I may still not adequately know all the trials and beauties that lie ahead but I do know it's where I want to be. I do know that I want to dance all the days of my life in His kingdom with a resounding yes to what He puts in front of me and I pray that my sensitivity to Holy Spirit only increases. I pray that my desires align with His and that the glory of our Father be touched, tasted, seen, and heard throughout the nations. I ask to be ready. To drastically change my life and the way I live it, depending only on Him for guidance, assurance, and comfort because I know it's where I am the happiest.
Certainly there's more I could go into. I could explain my thoughts and feelings on the above passages Christ gave me. I could tell you how 30 members of my squad are no longer strangers and how my team of 6 was put together as a divine gift that I'm so very thankful for. I could tell you how I was prayed over, how the Lord gave me fierce revelation, and how He faithfully provided every day with fresh mercies and heavenly responses. I could go on and on about the riches of our King but "if they were all written down, I suppose the whole world could not contain the books that would be written." (John 21:25)
What I do pray that you take away from this is that our Lord is alive and well. He desires relationship with you and wants to change your life. Though we may not ever be ready for the goodness God has in store, He is always ready to give of Himself and He desires nothing more than your love. I pray that you take heart because there's someone who cherishes you. There's someone who knows everything about you and still says yes. Worthy of all praise and everything we could ever imagine, His name is Jesus. His peace be with us all. XxoX