Journeyed Numbers - Week 52 in 53
Late on this last entry of a year that flew by, I was hoping to report on the miraculous works of our Lord and the way that He mightily intervened in my life over the past week. I wanted to share the faithfulness of His love and give glory to our King while assuring the masses that our prayers do not go unheard, giving example in the ways He answered mine. I sat and thought about the things I’ve been sporadically been talking to God about and realized that sometimes we fail to recognize the good gift of engagement we’re constantly given.
I started the last week of this project planning to give Jesus my all, promising myself that I would seek nothing else but to be in fruitful union with Him. I wanted so badly to feel His presence and witness His majesty, being intent to end this year with a big reveal. As much as my heart sought to accomplish this engagement my flesh fought every step of the way. I didn’t spend much time with God. I didn’t give Him much of anything but instead held on to the idea that I’m nothing but a fraud. Week 52 came and went with no desire to write of it’s happenings and honestly it’s in my most recent entries (that covered weeks at a time) that I’ve lost interest in sharing anything at all.
I’ve grown tired of writing about how hard it is to maintain this relationship with Christ, how repetitive my struggles sound, and the echo of profession that the kingdom of God is all I’m after when it personally seems like a falsehood. Growing in knowledge on the assurance of His truth, I’ve become relaxed in the pursuit of where my intentions began and fell short of seeking Him first above all things. However, looking back at the first entry of this year, I see the ways God has been present even when I wasn’t. He has continued teaching me what a life with Him looks like, more about what intimacy truly means, and brought me to a place where my thoughts are continuously (or mostly) fixed on Him. He has certainly answered many prayers of my heart and given me ample opportunities to disclose the wrestling that comes along with daily faith, while I engaged in something that was (is) a battle for me.
Thankful for this year and the completion of these entries, I can’t dismiss the fact that I’ve grown, or that my relationship with Christ has strengthened. Though it may seem miniscule to me, I know that progress has been made in the refining of my Spirit and that He will continue the good work that He began, as long I invite Him to do so. Looking back at this past year, I think the biggest take away I have is that our invitation is essential. God is not One who forces our belief. He is not One to make our decisions for us, nor is He One that wants to restrict the good life, but He is One who will guide our way, He is One who will give us an assured trust, and He is One who will equip us with a strength to live fully for Him, pursuing our hearts relentlessly with a desire that we would draw closer to Him, to give us life abundantly, and to give us Himself.
Returning to the big reveal that I had hoped for in this years end, I can share that I’ve seen God provide in miraculous ways for those who desperately sought Him in this past week. Those that I’ve prayed for and those that honestly put their trust in His faithfulness, leaning on nothing and no one but Christ to fulfill all their pressing needs. I’ve seen God bring people to places of refuge, who felt that His presence was no longer effective, and I’ve witnessed the softening of hearts in people who are blindly wandering. In addition to those miracles, I’ve seen the redemption and refinement of broken people who God uses to touch the lives of others, I’ve heard of graceful words spoken to unreasoned accusations, and felt supported in an encouragement to look beyond the darkness. I've seen all of the above in the past week alone and it’s in all this and more that I give glory to our King, assuring the masses that our prayers do not go unheard.
The necessity of invitation is not the only take away I have from this year. I am also reminded that everyone struggles to hear Christ and feel connected to Him but that the faithfulness of our Lord is a promise that doesn’t return void. He is a good good Father that wants nothing but the best for His children and all that He asks in return is our seeking hearts of worship. He has given us His Word in the form of Scripture, which is alive and active, that allows us to grow in our understanding of who He is. He is bigger and better than anything our thoughts can imagine. The telling glimpses of love that we have now are just a fraction of what we’ll feel when we’re finally at home with our Savior. It’s sharing our eternity to come that gives purpose to our life in the hope that all will understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep His love is.
Lord, I am grateful for this year of growth and for Your unmatched sacrifice on the cross. I thank You for Your consistency and the ways You’ve allowed me to play a part in Your kingdom. Please help me to love You more and shake the feelings that I am a fraud or that any of this is a falsehood because the Truth of the matter is that You are all You say You are and more. Jesus, continue to use me in delight as I take delight You, for I can’t wait to see what You do next! In Your mighty name I pray Father. Amen-
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