A Journey in New Numbers - Week 1

It's been some time since I finished my 365 Days of Happiness and Truth project and I've had this next venture on my heart for about the same. 365 days may have been listed as happy and true, but some of those numbers were anything but happy. There were annoying days where I felt like writing it off, days where I was too tired to research a connection, and days that my distance from God seemed so gaping that the last thing I wanted to do was spend time with Him. Though my days may not have been all happy, the truth still remained the same, and regardless of my emotional state, I was joyful to complete the year and thankful that the project was seen by many.

I never realized just how much engagement I had with God during those 365 days. Not only was I sharing with others the truth about who God is, but the project also helped me grow closer to Him in ways I wasn’t even aware of. In ways I’m still not aware of. Needless to say (but still surprisingly), I quickly began to miss the time I spent with The Lord. So? I asked. Now what?

While 365 days showed the positivity and sunshine of living with Christ, I wanted to engage in something that exposed a struggle, my struggle. I wanted to put my heart on display and disclose the wrestling that comes along with daily faith. As I thought about how to share the battle I’ve encountered while growing in my relationship with God, it also dawned on me that I wanted to continue learning what a life with Christ looks like. I wanted to learn more about how to be intimate with God and seek Him first above all things. Then it came to me… prayer!

Though my prayer life has never been the strongest, I've been witness to what a life of in-depth prayer can do. I've seen an immediacy of answered prayers as God did remarkable things in my life and the lives of others. There’s been times when God's creation has made complete sense and times that I've encountered things I can't even begin to understand. I've experienced the large whisper of our Creator but am often saddened to say it's not a normal state of life for me. Now don't get me wrong, I read my Bible, I say grace for my meals, and I often talk to God, but do I ever really talk with Him? Do I ever really listen to what the Lord is saying and does He ever really hear me?

Over the past month I’ve read a couple books on prayer, gathered ideas on what it looks like to pray, and did a little research on the practice of prayer, but it never dawned on me to ask what prayer means. Without having an educated answer, I urge to respond, prayer is a way of life, which incorporates God into every second of our conscious being. It means building a relationship with your best friend, your life companion, your eternal lover, and getting to know everything about Him, continually seeking Him out.

As I toyed with the idea of prayer and contemplated what that meant, I asked myself if this was something I was strong enough to do? I wondered if I was capable of making that kind of commitment to something I’ve only begun to understand and if I was ready for my life to change? Well whether I’m ready or not, God is certainly ready. He’s been calling me deeper in Him still and I’ve hesitated long enough. I told Him I’d get to it, I told Him I’d think about it, I told Him I’m ready, and then I told myself I couldn’t do it. The Lord’s voice came to me in those thoughts, not in a big way, not in a small way, but in more of a felt way, and in that moment I felt the Spirit come to me with words saying, “let Me do it.”

So here I am, embarking on a journey that I know can only lead me to a place I’ve never imagined. Asking God for His wisdom, clarity, discernment, strength, and mercy. Asking Him to help me learn what it looks like to talk to Him, and give me the voice to do so. I join David in asking, “Remember Your mercy, O Lord, and Your steadfast love, for they have been from of old. Remember not the sins of my youth or my transgressions; according to Your steadfast love remember me, for the sake of Your goodness, O Lord!” (Psalm 25:6-7)

Ultimately I’d love for others to share their petitions to Christ with me, for others to relate to my strife, for the seed of life to be planted in foreign gardens, and for the whole bloom to come worldwide. In the meantime, I’m excited to discover the way our Lord and I converse, what He’s going to reveal to me, and the work He’ll allow me to be witness to and/or take part in. God has been extremely kind to me over the years. I’ve been taken places and experienced things I know served purpose. Beginning this 52 weeks of prayer, I thought it only fitting that I close this week with an attempt at conversation.

Lord, I invite You into this project. I give You praise and glory for giving me the idea to take this journey with You. I am thankful that You have called me through engagement and that You only look to go deeper with me. Please be with me as I spend time with You, allow the days to center around You, and guide me to a place that I can continually fix my thoughts upon You. May I ask for nothing more, than to hear You. May Your kingdom come here on earth as it is in heaven. Amen -