Flowing Flames - Week 27
Being a follower of Christ is a challenging way of life. Not only does the world seem to look at you with criticizing eyes but our own thoughts also run rampant with doubt, disbelief, and distraction. For me, once I have a taste of that sweetness of faith, I relish in the moment, fully on fire, and then fade to a flicker. Though I try and hold onto the full blaze of our Saving flame, I find myself begging for fuel to make it through another day. I wonder what it is that makes the raging blazes fall short and how to live steadily in the fire Himself.
Trying to replicate the good week I had previous, my connection once again fell short. I examined my ways and thought about the different choices I was making. The choices that took my intimacy away from the relationship I hold dear. They were little things, results of momentary decisions. They were big things, choices I made for self rather than God. I medicated unnecessarily, put aside my commitment to physical activity, and not once did I pick up His word. Sure I talked to Jesus this week but I don’t think it was purposeful or inclusive. I’m not sure my heart was grounded in the desire to live out His will because His will asks us to surrender the things that stand in front of or in between our relationship with Him.
However, first and foremost our lives are about intimacy with Him. A connectivity that surpasses all other desires in life, one that takes root, transforms, and then branches out to others. Our love for God should come before all other loves because this is what it means to worship Him fully. This is the ultimate praise we can give Him. Nothing in this world can satisfy or comfort us like our Triune Creator can and yet we redundantly consider how His other creations might do so. We reluctantly hold on to control we think we have and half-heartedly surrender the darkness of our heart. We say and do things in the ways of our own will not thinking twice about the ripple effect it has on our own life, the lives of those around us, or more importantly, our relationship with Jesus.
That being said, I’m fully aware that growing in Christ is a lifelong process (something I am often irritated by). I’m aware that my love for Him is deep and I do believe it’s my true desire to live as a disciple of Jesus; giving Him everything that He gave me. So why then does my flesh battle so hard to keep me in a place of hiding? Why does my discernment fall short and my brain let my spirit be tricked? Perhaps it doesn’t and I’m just too selfish to put forth the energy it takes to live the kind of life I’m being called to live. The kind of life that allows Jesus to preform miracles through me, a life that heals, prophesizes, raises the dead, and brings life. Wanting my cake and eating it too is a battle I’m all too familiar with and I ask that our good Lord make me strong in Him to carry out the work He began.
Growing, though challenging and painful, has the best trade off. The thoughts of God I have and the desires to please Him are a welcomed activity in my life. Even the flicker of my flame dances to His majesty and I am extremely thankful for the trials of trust. I think about the lost, who have no thoughts of God, or questions of His existence. The ones who blindly go through life not wondering about meaning or the purpose to life. I think about how often God runs through my mind and am saddened for the ones who don’t search for His Truth, who don’t think of Him at all. The sadness I feel and the darkness I’m aware of are calmed and comforted majorly by Christ, so how much greater is the uncertainty and madness in the ones who can’t find what they’re not looking for? I pray for them Lord! For You to help them seek, for you to open the eyes of the blind, and for You to soften the hearts of the stubborn. My God, this includes me so please have Your way.
Even with my lack of effort Jesus is still at work with His miracles. He continues to provide and to reveal, granting me glimpses of what it looks like to fully be alive in Him. I have no doubt that I will continue to pursue this life of Love but pray that my doubt, disbelief, and distractions are removed by His power. I ask again Jesus for Your strength to equip me in Your will. May Your kingdom come! Take this light of Yours and help her shine because I see the battle in full swing. I see the corners of your world at odds and unity of Your Truth divided. In this life it’s easy to lie down, but may I stand tall in you Lord because I see the beauty of Your saving grace at work amongst the chaos. I feel Your Spirit coming closer to those in need and trust in the truth of Your victory. May I be kind to myself and others as we learn to walk in Your lighted path and may I continue to boast in my weaknesses so Your glory be revealed.
Lord you are a good good Father! You have become my closest friend and although I may fall short in the upholding of our relationship, I know that You have kept me as Your own. May I keep You as mine, not shying away from the surrendering of my own will, but be fueled by the sacrifice You have given us on the cross. God, I ask that every atom of me be on fire for Your truth, knowing that You are enough to ignite to the world. Jesus, in Your matchless name I pray. Amen!